The Goober State’s Latest Goob.

One could loose track of time in the glades… one minute you are on the hunt for old Skunky out in the middle of the tall grass, and next time you look at your watch four weeks have passed.  Four weeks in Florida can change a man and it took news of a fucked up house pet eater who stalks the sweet shores of a Georgia river tickling the feet of swimmers to pull me away.  It’s name was Altamaha-ha, and it was no laughing matter. 

The Altamaha-ha gets it’s name from the Altamaha River in southeastern Georgia.  This squatch hunter did not see that coming usually locals are so creative with cryptid names.  Well anyway Altie, as locals call it, has been described as like a 30ft long monster that swims like a seal and is a master of disguise so sightings are rare as shit.  Altie or Mr. HaHa was first sighted by Native Americans so you know it’s real.  Also by a boy scout troop in the 50’s.  What the fuck is more wholesome than a boy scout troop from the 50’s?? If you don’t trust the Native Americans, you gotta trust the scouts.  Even though their HQ is in Utah, and is mostly Mormon, the dudes wouldn’t lie. Oh and also this guy promises that he saw one come up for air once.  The most stunning evidence comes from a rash of pet disappearances and foot ticklings in the late 1990’s.  Over 3 pets were reported as ‘mysteriously missing’ as one local paper wrote.  On top of the pet murders like 15 people reported feeling and seeing something strange when they were splashing around in the waters of the Altamaha.  If Native Americans, Boy Scouts, and mother fucking tickle attacks can’t convince you than hopefully this photo evidence can.

Antatomy of a HaHa volume one.  Real because of scientific words #Contain #Resemblance #Horizontal. 

Altie poised and ready.  #GetThoseFeet #ThatLooksSmallerThan30ft

Ladies and Gentlemen… Altie. Nail in the coffin.  #NowThatsWhatICallProof #GoodLordThatsALotOfEvidence

Live and let squatch.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher 

Trouble down in God’s waiting room.

Let’s face it you can take in Alaska for like a day before that nature shit gets boring.  So I was happy when I caught wiff of an old familiar stench on the southern winds.  It was the Skunk Ape and his smell was challenging me to find him.  Challenge accepted bitch, hold on to your butts Florida.

I wasn’t in the Citrus State long before the search lead me to Cypress Swamp( on the outskirts of Tallahasse) where most reports of the skunk ape originate.  It is also home to all American badass Dave Shealy the number one guy on all things Skunk Ape. One sit down with him had me convinced, he told me where I could find the real dirt on Bigfoot’s smelly ass cousin.

Dave hooked me up with a couple of names and off I went into the swamps and  backward ass.. uhh.. villages or small towns or whatever you call a bunch of shacks in a swamp.  What I gathered from many eyewitness accounts is that the ape stands about 5 to 6 ft tall is covered in hair and smells like shit.  It has been known to scare campers ( a common Squatch trait) and steal apples.  Specifically from bushel baskets.  Skunk Ape first grabbed the nation’s heart in 1974 when there were a rash of sightings in the suburban neighborhoods of Dade county.  Fences were being destroyed and apples were going missing. It is a surprise the national guard wasn’t called in.  But then again it was the 70’s man we were knee deep in the muck and guck of Nam, and I was just a twinkle in my mom’s eye.  The sightings seemed to go away with the war until in 2000 when a local woman (who remained nameless) in Saratosa began reporting a extremely foul smelling ape stealing apples from her yard.  Every time the police showed up the Skunk Ape had already made his escape.  So  with fed up with the police department’s inaction she took the law into her own hands and snapped pictures of the creature caught in the act! She mailed them to the police department but was shrugged off as a loon.  Why must good Americans loose their apples?  The Skunk Ape is real, bring it to justice.  Photo evidence below.

Don’t fuck with Skunky’s apples.  #LanceLearnedTheHardWay  

Hands off the apples bro.  #CaughtInTheAct #NotACostume #AppleThief #WhereDaBushleBaskets

 Arrows don’t lie.  #BelieveInSkunkApe 

Hopefully the National Parks Service wakes up and protects Florida’s apples before it is too late.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher.  

Witching hour in the land of the Midnight Sun.

My welcome in Idaho was well worn… the NPS came sniffing around asking questions and the locals began eyeing me like I stole something.  So it was time to throw deuces to all the potatHOES and head north.  More northier than our moccasins have ever been.  To a place that is so fancy you actually get paid to live there, Alaska.  Besides fancy snobs with their government checks I found one of the more terrifying cryptids to walk the earth, Adlet.  

 Adlet has been sighted for centuires by the Inuit and Alaskan settlers alike.   The creature came into this world much like the Jersey Devil  through some freaky animal on human action.  Back in the day, like the 1800s, some smooth as fuck dog charmed the pants off some lady and bingo bango bongo…Adlet.  News of the strange birth spread throughout Alaska and soon Settlers and Inuit alike began reporting strange attacks.  The worst of which was reported in 1848 by a goldminer named Chuckles (no last name given).  Ol’ Chuck reported how one night while he was completely sober and not contemplating suicide for his life choices a beast that “was half man and half dog and looked like a Dogman ” attacked him almost killing him and taking all the gold that he totally found.  Sightings died down until 2011 when a group of vacationers were found torn to shreds in their cabin…. just foolin.’  But for real two hunters did report something that looked a lot like a Mandog in 2011.  The questions is how long will the NPS let this mountain of evidence stare them in the face before they realize the Adlet is real and he is taking ALL THE GOLD. Adlet proof below.

Proof positive. #GoldShackHiest  #JustGiveHimYourGold 

 

Adlet on the prowl for gold, and dog treats. #LookAtThatOval #SomeonesPaintSkillsAreImproving

 

Artist deception of Adlet and totally not some wierd teenager’s sex fantasy.  

Adelt’s dad.  One smoooooth pup.  #DogDad #CoolDog

That’s all she wrote on this one.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher.

Sharles in Charge, the Gem State’s fatal flaw.

When I used to visit my Granddad in the home where he spent the his last and most lucid years, he used to tell me “Jimmy, there’s gems in dems mountains, and that somovabitch Sharlie is the key….” Then he’d either fall asleep, or flip me a dime and say “Now catch the trolley outta here, Tommy.”  So it must of been destiny that brought me to the beautiful boarders  of potato country, Idaho. (no you da ho)

Sharlie, Slimy Slim, or The Twilight Dragon if your fancy calls the crystal clear waters of Payette Lake, just north McCall, Idaho it’s home.  This ancient creature has been sighted since ancient times by ancient Native Americans.  The creature gained national fame during the roaring twenties, when two construction workers,  reported that they:  

“were hanging out on the north side of the lake totally not drunk because it’s prohibition and that would be illegal, and do we look like two guys who would break the law officer? Well anyway we was hanging out and then outta nowhere Dave’s like hey look at that fucked up log, I think its moving, and I was like shit Dave IT IS MOVING!”   The two witnesses said in no way could a log move the way what they saw did.  Soon after this first sighting, in 1944, Sharlie was seen again by several groups of campers who described ol’ Slim to be long as shit with a dinosaur head, humps like a camel and fucking shell like skin.  The creature has been sighted 12 times since 1944 each one getting more violent than the next as if Sharlie is trying to warn us. Something this tough could only be around to protect something…. but what?   Call this old Squatch Watcher a softie but I gotta believe my Grandpappy, Sharlie is protecting North America’s largest Gem mine and the National Parks Service is keeping it under-wraps in order to control the Gem trade.   Well folks, here is the evidence I hope help blows the lid off of this thing.  Free Sharlie.  Free the Gems.

Classic Sharlie humps.  #LovelySharlieLumps #NotaLog #ForSureNothingNaturalCanPokeOutOfTheWaterThatWay

Oh shit Dave its that fucking log! Row Faster. #NotaLog #OldTimeyEvidence

Stay Frosty.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

Hoedown with Hodag: The Wisconsin way.

Headed slighlty South east out of the Great White North and into the Great White North of Wisconsin and its hideous secret.  Move over cheese and badgers time for a new and terrifying star to rise.  The Hodag.  My moccasins took me straight to the the heart of Wisconsin to a totally not evil sounding place called Rhinelander.  What this Squatch Watcher found will shake the nation. 

The ‘scientists’ and most of the so called ‘residents’ of Rhinelander will try and tell you the Hodag was proven to be a hoax back in 1890’s when the dude who killed one of the beasts said that he had made the whole thing up.  YEA RIGHT.  I’m just supposed to believe some joe schmo like that? It didn’t take much digging but I unearthed the true and harrowing story of the Hodag.  Around 1893 well known lumberjack and scamp about town Eugene Shepard reported seeing a creature with the head of a frog, thick short legs and the back of a ‘spiked dinosaur.’  Soon other lumberjacks started seeing the creature and by 1895 the Hodag was a Wisconsin sensation.  Papers from around the country told stories of the creature stalking lumberjacks in the great northern woods.  Sightings became more and more common and in the summer of 1896 two beloved lumberjacks Chucky Finesworth and Bill ‘loose toe’ Hays went missing after they set out to find Hodag.  The disapearnece inspired Eugene to return to the woods with several bear wrestlers and destroy the beast.  Eugene and the wrestlers entered the woods where they battled and killed one Hodag with dynamite, and were able to capture another one using a chloroform soaked rag on a long stick, a tried and true cryptid capturing method.   Of course when Eugene returned to Rhinelander he was not greeted as a hero and defender of lumberjacks, but as a prankster.  All because some science assholes said the creature was ‘obviously a fake.’  I don’t know about you guys but I have never known a lumberjack to tell a lie, but hey maybe I’m just oldschool.  Here is the proof below, make up your own mind.  #EugeneWasRight

The day Shepard won.  #Proof #HodagIsReal #SeveralBearWrestlers #DeadKid

Hodag Specimen in a real life MUSEUM. #ChewOnThatSteve #FuckYouNationalParksService

 

Up close and olde timey.  #IseeYouHodag #LumberJacksTellNoLies

Look to the skies, look to the forests, look to the sea. 

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

Canada calling part duex: Hangin’ with Mr. Yellow Top

One can only stay in the Ozarks for so long, its boring as fuck.  Now Canada isn’t much of an upgrade but its where I heard legend of another member of the squatch fam.  There had been sightings of a 7ft tall blonde haired asshole running around Ontario being a total dick to small town miners.  My moccasins took me to Cobalt, Canada where I learned what Old Yellow Top was all about. 

The first recorded sighting of the creature occurred in 1906 when some dude named Lorno (old timey names aimiright?) and his pal J. A. MacAuley sighted the creature while walking to work at the mines.  Upon seeing the creature they threw rocks at it, as was the fashion at the time. The animal roared in response and ran off into the woods.  Lorno reported that the creature was covered in black hair ‘cept for its bright yellow mane.  To which the reporter responded “By golly now thats a scoop!” and dubbed the creature Old Yellow Top. The beast remained silent for the next 17 years most likely grooming his hatred for the only people he had encountered…. miners.  Old Yellow Top made himself known again in 1923 when he began roaming the woods near mining camps and scaring the fuck out of miners, women, children, and anything in his path.  Sightings like this continued until the 70’s when it all culminated on one night when Old Yellow was driven to attempt murder.   Larry Cormack and his boys were driving home late one night from a hoot ‘n’ nanny and were stone cold sober when they saw a massive yellow topped creature jump in front of their truck almost causing them to crash into a giant rock.  Little has been seen of Old Yellow Top since… but its out there plotting, waiting.. miners beware you are in for a scare.  The PICTURE evidence is below… make the NPS listen! Old Yellow Top is REAL!!!

Old Yellow Top hangin’ at his thinking spot. #emocryptids #CheerUpBro

“I’m ready for my close up”- Old Yellow Top #LookingGood #BlondesHaveMoreFun

Yellow Top, lookin’ sad. #WeBelieveInYellowTop 

Life in the squatch lane.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

The Ozark Howler: Locals only.

Escaping Canada and saying goodbye to our northern crypto-brethren our moccasins take us to a place in this great country where few men walk.  A dark, rough place where life is cheap and you don’t ever go more than five miles from your family.  This place is the Ozarks (a series of mountains and plateaus in Missouri, Arkansas, and Oklahoma)and it harbors one deadly secret: The Ozark Howler. 

The Ozark howler has been sighted since “Native American times to present” as noted science website unknown-creatures.com reports.  Eyewitnesses report the creature to be as big as a bear, with wolf/cat like features and fucking horns.  Oh, and legend also has it that the mere presence of this creature is known to “killaman” as I think one local said.  Sightings have been sparse and it was not until one brave woman Nancy came forward just a few years ago to tell the riveting story of how her neighbor ran into the Howler one snowy night where the creature that he reported looked like a cat and a dog mixed attacked his livestock.  The original EYEwitness account can be found here, and it is worth the read.  Nancy herself is quoted as saying “There is no reason for him to make up such a story.”  So with no reason not to believe him we are left with no choice but to believe.  Yet the NPS(National Parks Service) still refuses to do anything about this monster roaming the Ozarks and scaring our livestock.  Picture proof below… try and deny this now NPS… and STEVE you fucking ass. 

Howler on the prowl. #LivestockBeware #HowlerIsReal

Caught in the act! #proof #evidence #HowlerisReal

The Howlers hunting grounds… and they are getting bigger #StopHowlerNow #WakeUpNPS 

Take me home.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

How Ogo is your Pogo? British Columbia has some beans to spill.

CryptoNation I know you’re thinking. Kevin why the hell are you in British Columbia? You are the most AMERICAN cryptozoologist to ever walk the earth.  Who cares about Canadian cryptids!? You’d be right in your anger but Ol’ Kevin was afraid that rich asshole (and possible robot) Romney was going to win, so I bailed.  On my way back stateside I happened upon  Lake Okanagen and learned of the legendary lake dwelling Ogopogo. 

It is a little known fact that Ogopogo was the premier lake dwelling monster first discovered in 1926… seven years before that Scottish sonovabitch (Nessie) stole the spotlight and became the world’s cryptid darling.  But Ogo aint about the fame.  Ogo about staying hidden.   

The first sightings of the creature were made by people of the First Nations (think Canadian Indians) who told settlers and wrote of a giant serpent like creature that protected the lake and was an all around asshole.  Requiring the natives to toss cute animals overboard in exchange for safe passage.  White settlers found this totally bogus until 1926 when around thirty cars reported seeing the creature.  The witnesses reported seeing a large object in the lake that totally wasn’t a weird log.  Cars were slow as fuck back then, Ogo must of been hopped up on seaweed for that many people to see him.  After that many settlers took up the native tradition of tossing a small animal overboard whenever they were on the lake.  The mountain of evidence and the bones of all the cute animals should be more than enough to convince the world that Ogopogo is real, yet we still deny…. why? o why?  

We may never know the reason behind the Canadian/British cover up but we can expose it.  Picture proof below:  

Totally not a weird log.  #OgopogoLives #Truth #FeedHim

I see you Ogopogo, and I respect you.  

Every vigilant.  Ever ready.  #Brad #Kyle #BrothersInArms #PogoWatchers

I’ll leave with the lyrics from a real life song written about this real life cryptid by a real life man, who played music in real life.  This song included. 

I’m looking for the Ogo-pogo,
The funny little Ogo-pogo.
His mother was an earwig, his father was a whale,
I’m going to put a little bit of salt on his tail.
I want to find the Ogo-pogo
While he’s playing on his old banjo.
The Lord Mayor of London,
The Lord Mayor of London,
The Lord Mayor of London wants to put him in the Lord Mayor’s show”.

Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em 

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

Chaska McNasty… Minnesota’s dirty secret.

The SLUB or Salt Lake Ultra beast took a lot out of me so I decided to meet up with some old friends of mine from the Minnesota Cryptid Research Center (MCRC), whose HQ is on the ouskirts of the Northern Woods in the all too friendly and all too white state of Minnesota to help them with their search for the Chas-squatch.  

The Chas-squatch or Chaska McNasty takes its namesake from Chaska County Minnesaota, where most of the sightings have occurred.  If the Ohio Grassman is Bigfoot’s weenie cousin ol’ Chasky is his jerk/lanky young uncle who thinks he is hot shit and tells the family you’re crazy, and hits on your girlfriend at Thanksgiving, fuck you uncle Brad….. the Chas-squatch got the name Chaska McNasty after a rash of 5 sightings in the 90’s when all of the witnesses reported a tall lanky awful smelling creature that would often try to steal food, pick up on lady hikers, or simply push hikers out of the way in a rude fashion.  This dick has been running around Minnesota since Oregon Trail times when it was known to run up to a wagon train arms flailing, flip one of the wagons over and run back into the woods warbling loudly.  Despite the mountain of evidence proving the Chas-squatch is still among us being an asshole to hikers the National Parks Service refuses to do anything to protect us.  Get it together.  Picture proof below. Chaska McNasty is real, wake up. 

McNasty on the prowl. #LankyMotherFucker #WatchOutWagonsAndLadies

Caught in the act.  #NoWhereToRunJerk #ScientificFilter #REAL

“Bout to pound on dis bear”-Chaska McNasty  #McNastyDontCare

Let your moccasins do the real walking.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

The Salt Lake Ultra Beast. Level 5 Cryptid shit.

On my way out of Indiana I began to hear reports of a Cryptid that was powerful enough to carry a horse, and was comfortable scaring Mormons/ salt workers by sea, land, and air.  The Winston fucking Churchill of Cryptids.  I turned my moccasins due west and made for Utah and her Great Salt Lake. 

Many of the skeptics and lamestream “scientist” say that due to the lake’s salinity it is impossible for it to sustain aquatic life.  Well two things: ONE those skeptics have bought the greatest lie ever sold by the National Parks Service in order to hide the Salt Lake Monster or Salt Lake Ultra Beast (SLUB), and TWO the creature likely lives in the underground tunnel that is said to connect to Bear Lake.  SLUB has been described as a large as 75ft long with a giant alligator like body but a head more like a horse.  Reports of SLUB have been around since Native Americans used to tell settlers coming west of a giant mosquito monster, probably in order to scare them off their fucking property.   Thangs began to heat up in the 1840’s when the most recent Mormon settlers on Antelope Island started reporting that their cattle were going missing at an alarming rate.  The Ultra Beast apparently has beef with Mormon beef.  Beef its what’s for Ultra Beast’s dinner, Mormon beef.  Sightings and cow disappearances began to stop and SLUB wasn’t seen again until 1890 when some night shift salt boilers, you read that right, saw the creature rise from the lake and fly right at them causing the hardened salt boilers to flee into the mountain, any self respecting salt boiler would of defended their pot. I gotta get off this computer… some National Parks goons are snooping around the apple store I’m in, more on the SLUB later perhaps.  Here come the pictures, proof positive:

“Barry, fuck the salt lets bail.”- Olde Timey Salt Boiler #ArtistDepiction #SLUBisReal #SaltLakeMonster

On the hunt for Mormons’ cows.  #CattleBeware #SLUBcoming

Fight the power. 

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

The Beast of Busco, carry on my wayward turtle.

Of the Carolina’s, North, you suck as equally as South.  No one cares about Andy Griffith or NASCAR or Billy Graham, fuck you and your Vampire Cats.  We headed north, well slightly north west to Churubusco, Indiana (yes that’s a real place).  Home to the ever elusive and majestic Busco Beast.  

As far as great North American cryptids go the Beast of Busco is one of the most OG.  First sighted in 1898 which makes him like 114 years… Busco is old as fuck.  It has been described by locals as a “giant ass turtle thang big as a car hood.”  First sighted by ye olde farmer Oscar Fulk in 1898 who witnessed a giant turtle livin’ on the lake near his land.  He told many others about the sighting but ultimately thought leaving the creature alone would be best.  Things stayed quite until in 1948 a rash of giant turtle sightings struck Churubusco once again.  Two separate fishermen, Ora Blue and Ol’ Charley Wilson reported seeing a turtle that was at least “the size of a car hood.”  Soon after some other old dude with a girl’s name, Gale, who owned the land or some shit also saw the creature.  The word was sent out by wire service across the nation and the turtle became famous.  Many flocked to see the creature but being old, wise and elusive he has evaded being sighted for all this time.  Even a deep sea fucking diver couldn’t find his ass.  The town holds a turtle days festival every year in honor of the Beast, likely making sacrifices in order to keep it satisfied.  It’s picture time. 

Ora and Ol’ Charley after the beast #TheHuntForTheBuscoBeast #Elusive

“Couldnt find ‘em sir”-Diver… Turtle 1 Divers 0 #Takethat #TurltesRule

Real life artists depiction.  The Beast of Busco. 

Modern day shrine to the creature. #BendtoTurlesWill #BuscoIsReal

Watch the path. 

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

We’re gonna need a bigger litter box: Bladenboro Vampire Cats.

Waving goodbye to the Honey Island swamps, the sweltering heat, and that goddamned Tainted Keitre we head north but not the good kind of north we’re going to North Carolina.  It should just be called South Carolina Deux, I digress we are here to talk Vampire Cats.  That’s exactly what I found in Bladenboro, North Carolina.  

The Beast of Bladenboro, Bladenboro Vampire Cat, or BVC has stalked the forests of Bladenboro since 1953 a time locals describe as “different” but “better” some how.  A local farmer witnessed a large cat like creature drag one of his dogs off into the woods.  Later when he investigated the tracks he reported that its paw was at least the size of a silver dollar, a silver fucking dollar, that’s like two quarters next to each other or like 5 dimes in a circle.  It made no cents for locals to try and hide their dogs the Bladenboro Beast was hungry and dog was on the menu.  Soon after more dogs began disappearing from the town.  Dogs who were taken were always found with their blood drained attacks like this continued until 1954 when the final sighting was made by a 21 year old who reported the beast stalking toward her and that it looked like a “bear/panther sorta deal.”  Sightings died down after this until 2007 when 10 dogs were killed in the same fashion as in 1953-4.  This prompted many to believe that vengeful cat asshole was back to wreak havoc on the town’s dogs.  The scientists at the History Channel tried to crack the case but the Bladenboro Beast remains elusive.  As always tha pictures.

 

The beast preparing for a canine blood sacrifice to the cat god. #Proof #EyesDontLie

Old timey sighting sketch.  Old Timey= Proof #ThisWasAtALibrary #Real

“Make your move dogs…I’ll be watching”- BVC

Stay watchful, stay weird.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher 

I’m Back! or: The Honey Island Swamp Monster ain’t so sweet.

Squatch Watch Nation,

Or whats left of you. Thank you for sticking around and continuing the fight against lamestream “science” and the National Parks Service’s views on Cryptids.  It took me 33 days and a hell of a lot of Arby’s to safely find a new HQ for all of my research and posting on the road was a lot harder than I thought, I apologize.  Back to the hunt.  

Louisiana is home to a lot of fucked up shit, one of those things being the Honey Island Swamp Monster.  The creature is said to inhabit the Honey Island swamp area and surrounding Bayous.  It is called “Tainted Keitre” by locals and “Letiche” by Natvie Americans.  It is said to stand 7+ ft tall, bipedal with webbed feet, have gray/greenish hair, bright red eyes, and smells like shit.  It’s the Fouke Monster’s even more redneck cousin.  This smelly asshole was first sighted by air traffic controller/ amateur naturalist who had actual footage of the creature on some of his lost tapes. After this tapes were discovered sightings of the beast exploded and there have been 4 in total up to this day.  That air traffic controller, these hunters, these dudes, and some other guys all saw the creature and all of the sightings have happened within 15 years of each other! The jig is up National Parks Service admit that Tainted Keitre is real! As always, pics. 

Those tracks found by that dude.  #Integrity #ShadesDontLie

Lonely Swamp Monster, hygiene bro.  #PhotoEvidence #SadSwampMonster

Eat a phat bowl of this STEVE.  Clear proof.  #SuckIt #Truth

Keep your eyes open.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM ME (KEVIN)

Fellow Squatch Watchers,

I write this post to inform y’all that I will be going mobile for about the next month.  things are getting a little too hairy at my current HQ and I can feel the National Parks Service, and that SOB Steve breathing down my neck.  I can’t afford to loose anymore research.  

So on the bright side that means I’ll be able to post from the field whilst I search for a new and better hidden HQ.  Just wanted to give you guys (the reason I do this) a heads up as to why posts might start become more sporadic than they already are.  

Also to everyone who has ever liked or re-blogged one of my reports, I thank you it keeps me going. 

Keep your moccasins on off trail, and your eyes open. 

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher

Oklahoma’s Lake dwelling secret.

Bikini’s, beaches, murder, Animal Planet, and fan fiction all sound like the ingredients to an amazing time and a lot like the summer of ‘93.  In reality these are the things I encountered when I thanked the Buckeye state and set course for Lake Thunderbird, and the Oklahoma Octopus.

The Oklahoma Octopus (or Okie) is so skilled at evading mother fuckers that there have been no reported sightings of it, ever.  Native Americans have reported large leech like creatures in the lakes of Oklahoma for centuries.  Rumor and myths report the creature to be the size of a horse with the mouth of a leech and tentacles of an octopus.  While sightings have been slim mysterious drownings in this large body of water have been up, there have been at least five in the last 3 years.  Its no surprise that the lamestream media is covering reports of this creature up, Oklahoma would go into a fear mongering rampage there could literally be like hundreds of dollars worth of damage done.  The folks at Animal Planet(known for their high minded science shows) stood up to lamestream science and said “NO! This Octopus exists!” With there documentary series Lost Tapes.  Thank you Animal Planet.  Who will stand with me and Animal Planet and let the world know the Oklahoma Octopus exists!?!  Photo and VIDEO evidence this time around. 

http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows/lost-tapes/videos/oklahoma-octopus.htm <—— Link to Animal Planet documentary.  Get ready to believe. 

If some divers ever encountered old Okie the Octopus this is what is would look like. 

Artist deception from this riveting fan-fiction about the creature.  Fan-fiction = Proof.  Also accurately depicts Okie’s taste for bikini babes. 

Lake Thunderbird:  Where Okie awaits his next meal.  

Can we stop Okie before he eats all the bikini babes? Wake up National Parks Service.

-Kev

The Squatch Watcher