I can never get enough of that Southwestern heat… but with Ol’ Chupy a distant memory the east calls. Lee County, South Carolina to be exact.. where we find that other than being a relative piece of shit throughout most of American history it is harboring a DEEEEP secret the mother fucking Lizard man.
The Lizard man of Lee County, The Lee Lizard or the Lizard man of Scape Ore Swamp has been describbed by at least 2 people as being a bipedal creature that stands up to 7ft tall might or might not have a tail, hands that allow it to stick to fucking walls, and is covered in scales. It is mostly sighted near swamps, as well as in abandoned “subways” located in “towns” that are near swamps. Yea right South Carolina, no one believes you have any subways. The first sighting of this creature occurred on June 29th, 1988 by a 17 year old named Christopher Davis whose car was totally fucked up by the creature he reported the creature jumped on top of his car and ripped into it, totally legit. But the buzzkill Sheriff at the time claimed that one 17 year old’s sighting was not enough to cause alarm…. typical fucking government sheep covering up so he and his boys can go root it out. There have been many more vehicle attacks (Lizard man has a thing for cars ;)) since 1988 and the law enforcement remains silent. Lizard Man exists. As always, picture proof.
Givin us sum Lizardtude! #GetItLizardMan #PhotographicProof #FuckYouSteve
Lizard Man has been described as “well built” by witnesses who are probably Stephanie Myers fans. #SexyCryptid #ThatsKindOfWierd #ButILikeIT #LizardManIsReal
Sneakin’ up on cars… shhh #SneakyLizardMan #HideYoCar
Good times Lizard man Jam Band. #Influence #LizardMan
This next Cryptid is by far THE most famous that we have been in pursuit of thus far, and quite possibly the most dangerous. Peacing the fuck out of the West Virginia (an actual place, who knew!) we head south west for the arid lonesome desert of the American Southwest.
El Chupacabra, Ol’ Chupy, Chup, ChupyChupy, or if your and ass “Goat Sucker” is a North American Cryptid that has been around since the mid 90’s and has been sighted as far south as Chile and as far north as Maine where one dude is pretty sure he saw one that one Halloween in ‘96. Ol’ Chupy was first spotted in Puerto Rico and sightings quickly spread throughout the America’s and eventually found their way to fucking Russia. Universally the descriptions are largely the same, Chup is described as a short mean looking SOB that has real problem with domesticated animals and frequently fucks their shit up. Since the 90’s Chupacabra sightings have been on the rise and the evidence is becoming overwhelming. So when lamestream “scientists” try to tell you El Chupacabra could be explaineud by a rare disease that only affects coyotes called Sarcoptes scabiei you can tell them to shove this photo EVIDENCE where the sun don’t shine.
Kevin’s Cryptids ripped straight from the headlines, and given to my loyal readers. #JournalisticIntegrity #FACTS #FuckYouScience
With the Great White state a distant memory floating from the dust kicked up by our moccasins, again we head west. This time for the town of Fouke, Arkansas…. yea Arkansas. My thoughts exactly.
What did I find in Fouke??? The mother fouking Fouke monster. This apelike creature is known to stand at about 7ft tall and weigh 300lbs, has 3 toes (kinda weird) and is said to have eyes the size of silver dollars that glow bright fucking red. This apelike nightmare fuel was first sighted in Jonestown, Arkansas in 1946 and later near Fouke in 1961. However this elusive mother fucker didnt make headlines until he decided to be a dick to a couple in their own house. In 1971 the monster attacked Bobby and Elizabeth Ford, this true life event inspired a movie based on this very same true life event. The critically acclaimed The Legend of Boggy Creek which swept the box offices in the 80’s and made literally thousands of dollars. The movie also lead to a peak in sightings of the creature in the early 90’s, Gen-Xers totally understood the monster. When serious physical evidence was brought to local scientists they claimed it all the be a hoax, yea fucking right. Anyway, as always them mother fucking photos. #Proof #GoToHellNationalParksService
Welcome to your fucking nightmares #FoukeYou #AccurateArtistsDepiction #Truth
The Fouke Monster has feelings too, cheer up bro I believe in you. #SadFoukeMonster #CryptidsHaveFeelings
Real PHYSICAL evidence scientists cant even deny this!! #ButTheyDid #AssholeScientists
Real life Cryptid hunters! Dr. Edmond and Mr. Ryan my fucking heroes, holding up a fouking Fouke Monster print! #RealScientists #Respect #TotallyReal #Integrity
With the stench of MoMo and Missourah fresh on our boots we make our way east. Headed towards the misty pine groves of the Great White Massachusetts. Massachusetts we MassaCHOOSE you to be our next destenation.
Crabcakes, White people, rowing these are words that when heard we associate with the pristine shores and great pine forests of Massachusetts. However, there is one word that they forget and that’s “DEMON”……. mother fucker. The Old Colony State is home to one disturbing state secret. The secret is the Dover “Demon.” The Demon is the secret. The Dover Demon was first sighted on April 21st, 1977, by three seventeen year old males who were driving near Dover, MA when their headlights spotted the odd creature. The driver thought he spotted a dog or a cat but when the car drew closer he realized it was some bizarre, and as one of the eyewitnesses described ”totally like fucked up” creature. Since its first sighting by these totally upstanding teenagers a shit load more teenagers have reported seeing the creature. So many in fact the some adults are actually considering listening to them. One of those adults is Ed Fogg an internet described ”ufological” researcher, so he knows his shit, who noticed several similarities in the stories of the eye witnesses. They all seemed to describe some sort of human/ grey big ass eyed alien, so this could very well be the first space cryptid. In all the Dover Demon is said to stand as tall as a goat and shares a strong, but totally not weird, connection with the young. So Massachusetts the MasaCHOICE is yours take a stand against lamestream science and accept your reality or continue to wear your blinders. Choose wisely. Photos, all the proof I need.
Easily mistakable for a small dog or cat. #DoverDemonIsReal #RealPhoto
What real science looks like. #CryptolozoologyOnAnotherLevel #ScientificProof
Hiding from asshole teenagers #KnowThatFeelBro #TeenagersCanBeBrutal
I hope this helps turn a couple heads, raise a few eyebrow, maybe shake up the establishment a little bit who knows. Fuck shit up.
Leaving the land of the mysterious and elusive as fuck Chessie we Go West! Towards the dark recesses of the cheese state, Wisconsin.
Setting my moccasins towards the town of Elksworth, and the rural Bray Road that leads to it on the search for one of North America’s more sinister cryptids… The Beast of Bray Road, or Bray Road Beast. The beast is said to be like bigfoot but with a fucking wolf’s head. It can weigh from 400-700 lbs and it’s diet consists of mostly cute forest animals and unsuspecting teenage hikers. Sightings of the creature began in the 1980’s the years when Elkhorn was a getaway for young, totally not coked out, wall street execs to relax for the weekend. The first sighting came from a young hiker who reported “a half wolf half ape like creature that had to weigh between 400-700 lbs, at least.” Since then the Beast has said to inhabit the Bray Road area mainly scaring the shit out of people and being an asshole. These sorts of reports have continued all the way until the 90’s. Sightings were so prevalent that Elksworth’s mother fucking number 1 investigative journalist Linda G. wrote an expose on the creature for the prestigious Walworth county Weekly. Google that shit non believers, Linda has some words for you…. lol. So here again we have another one of the universe’s creatures forsaken by mainstream (lamestream) science.
Still not sure, well check out this PHOTOGRAPHIC evidence that not even that fucker steve and those blowhards at the NPS can dispute.
The Beast Feasting #InsaneArtisticAccuracy #BrayRdExsists #HatersBeware
Now getting the fuck out of Ohio and heading due east brings us to the shores of the Chesapeake Bay and it’s mysterious inhabitant “Chessie.” Which yes is a much better sounding name than “Nessie.”
Chesapeake Bay is the United States’ largest estuary it has over like 100 rivers and streams flowing into it so it is no small wonder that it is home to the ultra bad ass Chessie. Chessie is said to be either a giant eel or an old school Zeuglodon… either way it rules the depths of the bay with an iron fist and ranges from 25-40ft long and overall does way more cool shit than Nessie ever did. Chessie’s diet consists mostly of the schools of fish that inhabit the bay, as well as the homeless from time to time. Sightiings of Chessie date back to 1943 as reported by perch fisherman Francis Klarrman who reported “A thing that rose 12ft out of the water and had a football shaped head” Francis refused to go back into the bay until the day he died. Than again just 39 years later in 1982 the creature was sighted again by a man who video taped a “brownish” something moving kind of like a snake… sounds like fucking Chessie to me. Sightings have continued all the way until 1997! So we are way overdue for the next big Chessie sighting. Those of you watchers on the east coast keep your eyes open! Chessie awaits. Also more photogrpahic evidence, shove that up your ass Steve and the rest of the NPS (National Parks Service).
#Damnthatsabigeel #ChessieLives #IToldYouStacey
#ProofPositive #Authentic #Chessie HD photographic proof.
Some dude named his boat Chessie… serious business. #TheSearchContinues
Leaving Jersey and thanking The Garden State (our host) we head out towards Ohio. More specifically Loveland, Ohio which is near Cleveland….? Or east of it or well it doesn’t matter its Ohio.
We are going to encounter a creature of the likes we have yet to see, an amphibious cryptid. We are looking for none other than The Loveland Frogman. Frogman sightings stretch all the way back to 1955 and since then there has been over 1 more sighting, and the most recent… 1988. The time of the Frogman is nigh. The Frogman was first spotted by a “prominent” business man who was driving down a road that runs along the Miami River on the way to Loveland. It was around three thirty in the morning, so he for sure wasn’t drunk, and he witnessed 3 Frogmen at the side of the road, so naturally being a white dude he pulled over to see what these Frogmen were doing. The business man watched the Frogmen for what he said seemed like an hour. Apparently all the Frogmen did was stand around, until one of them raised what seem to look like a wand and at that point the businessman bailed because when Frogmen are pulling out wands, shit is about to go down. Since that original sighting there have been two more. The first of which occurred in 1972 a Frogman was witnessed by a Police Officer(bound by the law to the truth) who reported that he had to slam on the brakes and almost struck what appeared to be some sort of “man frog thing.” The last sighting occurred in 1988 by some farmer or whatever people in Ohio did in the eighties. The Frogman, or men are said to range from 3-4 ft tall, with large round frog-like heads and spend most of their time crouched over. Their diets consist of small fish and large bugs mostly, it is known to go to great lengths like venture across busy roads for a good meal. So again we have discovered a creature forgotten by ‘scientists.’ 3 sightings in just 33 years, the numbers don’t lie. Neither does this hand drawn eyewitness drawing, or this mini doc from the fucking Society of Monster Spotters the leading mini doc authority on cryptids. Feast your eyes below. The Frogman is real.
It doesn’t get more definitive than this. #handdrawnevidence #AfuckingBusinessmanSawThis #Proof
